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-
- The following paper is taken from The Journal of Irreproducible Results,
- Volume 25/Number 4/1979-P.O. Box 234 Chicago Heights, Illinois 60411.
- Subscriptions are 1 year for $3.70
-
-
- 1. INTRODUCTION
- ================
-
- Worldwide controversy has been generated recently from several court
- decisions in the United States which have restricted popular magazines from
- printing articles which describe how to make an atomic bomb. The reason
- usually given by the courts is that national security would be compromised if
- such information were generally available. But, since it is commonly known
- that all of the information is publicly available in most major metropolitan
- libraries, obviously the court's officially stated position is covering up a
- more important factor; namely, that such atomic devices would prove too
- difficult for the average citizen to construct. The United States courts
- cannot afford to insult the vast majorities by insinuating that they do not
- have the intelligence of a cabbage, and thus the "official" press releases
- claim national security as a blanket restriction.
-
- The rumors that have unfortunately occurred as a result of widespread
- misinformation can (and must) be cleared up now, for the construction project
- this month is the construction of a thermonuclear device, which will
- hopefully clear up any misconceptions you might have about such a project. We
- will see how easy it is to make a device of your very own in ten easy steps,
- to have and hold as you see fit, without annoying interference from the
- government or the courts.
-
- The project will cost between $5,000 and $30,000, depending on how fancy
- you want the final product to be. Since last week's column, "Let's Make a
- Time Machine," was received so well in the new step-by-step format, this
- month's column will follow the same format.
-
- 2. CONSTRUCTION METHOD
- =======================
-
- 1. First, obtain about 50 pounds (110 kg) of weapons grade Plutonium at your
- local supplier (see NOTE 1). A nuclear power plant is not recommended, as
- large quantities of missing Plutonium tend to make plant engineers unhappy.
- We suggest that you contact your local terrorist organization, or perhaps the
- Junior Achievement in your neighborhood.
-
- 2. Please remember that Plutonium, especially pure, refined Plutonium, is
- somewhat dangerous. Wash your hands with soap and warm water after handling
- the material, and don't allow your children or pets to play in it or eat it.
- Any left over Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect repellant. You may
- wish to keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one in your local
- junk yard, but an old coffee can will do nicely.
-
- 3. Fashion together a metal enclosure to house the device. Most common
- varieties of sheet metal can be bent to disguise this enclosure as, for
- example, a briefcase, a lunch pail, or a Buick. Do not use tinfoil.
-
- 4. Arrange the Plutonium into two hemispheral shapes, separated by about 4
- cm. Use rubber cement to hold the Plutonium dust together. Gelignite is much
- better, but messier to work with. Your helpful hardware man will be happy to
- provide you with this item.
-
- 6. Pack the TNT around the hemisphere arrangement constructed in step 4. If
- you cannot find Gelignite, feel free to use TNT packed in with Play-Dough (R)
- or any modeling clay. Colored clay is acceptable, but there is no need to get
- fancy at this point.
-
- 7. Enclose the structure from step 6 into the enclosure made in step 3. Use
- a strong glue such as "Krazy Glue" to bind the hemisphere arrangement against
- the enclosure to prevent accidental detonation which might result from
- vibration or mishandling.
-
- 8. To detonate the device, obtain a radio controlled (RC) servo mechanism, as
- found in RC model airplanes and cars. With a minimum of effort, a remote
- plunger can be made that will strike a detonator cap to effect a small
- explosion. These detonator caps can be found in the electrical supply section
- of your local supermarket. We recommend the "Blast-O-Mactic" brand because
- they are no deposit-no return.
-
- 9. Now hide the completed device from the neighbors and children. The garage
- is not recommended because of high humidity and the extreme range of
- temperatures experienced there. Nuclear devices have been known to
- spontaneously detonate in these unstable conditions. The hall closet or under
- the kitchen sink will be perfectly suitable.
-
- 10. Now you are the proud owner of a working thermonuclear device! It is a
- great ice-breaker at parties, and in a pinch, can be used for national
- defense.
-
- 3. THEORY OF OPERATION
- =======================
-
- The device basically works when the detonated TNT compresses the Plutonium
- into a critical mass. The critical mass then produces a nuclear chain
- reaction similar to the domino chain reaction (discussed in this column,
- "Dominoes on the March," March 1968). The chain reaction then promptly
- produces a big thermonuclear reaction. And there you have it, a 10 megaton
- explosion!
-
- 4. NEXT MONTH'S COLUMN
- =======================
-
- In next month's column, we will learn how to clone your neighbor's wife in
- six easy steps. This project promises to be an exciting weekend full of fun
- and profit. Common kitchen utensils will be all you need. See you next month!
-
- 5. NOTES
- =========
-
- 1. Plutonium (PU), atomic number 94, is a radioactive metallic element formed
- by the decay of Neptunium and is similar in chemical structure to Uranium,
- Saturnium, Jupiternium, and Marsium.